I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
