On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
