i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
