I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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