i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
