No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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