I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
