Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
