Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i drank out of a bidet.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
