Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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