I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
