before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my sisters under your porch take her home
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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