nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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