I'll bet she douches with gravy.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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