We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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