we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
