I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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