She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
