he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
