You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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