I can tuck mytits in my pants
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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