You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
