Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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