If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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