We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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