After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
