one might say we're banned from that church
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
