I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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