So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
