Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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