Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
