My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
