I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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