dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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