dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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