you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
