idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
