i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
