My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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