That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
