**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
