Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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