you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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