I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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