I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
