Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
