oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
