i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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