i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
