He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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